HomeCouponsFree StuffWeekly Ads / SpecialsBirthdayCompareCommunity
Page 1 of 117 1231151101 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 1752
  1. #1
    Not clubbys hoe dehawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    coonsville , Now selling property RRE
    Posts
    2,127
    Thanked
    3

    Talking (NSFW) Joke thread, come and post your jokes here

    How does Mj Know if a kid is ticklish?

    He gives them a Test-tickle ;)


    Im bored , forgive me
    Last edited by Choochoojr; 05-05-2005 at 08:07 PM.
    You have just read my signature. now piss off.

  2. #2
    It's like déjà vu again spazntwitch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Ah yes, I remember it well
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanked
    91
    OK, that was pretty darn bad, but funny! Thanks for the laugh.
    ..../\„,„/\
    ...( =';'= )
    .../*♥♥*\
    .(.|.|..|.|.)

  3. #3
    Not clubbys hoe dehawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    coonsville , Now selling property RRE
    Posts
    2,127
    Thanked
    3
    Why does MJ love Haloween?

    Free Delivery!!!

    Ok think think..................yes u finally got it


    Please feel free to post bad jokes on this thread
    You have just read my signature. now piss off.

  4. #4
    L3 Curious Member DVSDVL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    3rd rock from sun
    Posts
    47
    Thanked
    0
    did you hear about the fight in the candy store...?




    the 2 suckers got licked ... LOL

  5. #5
    It's like déjà vu again spazntwitch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Ah yes, I remember it well
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanked
    91
    Q: What do you call a leper taking a bath?
    A: Oatmeal.

    Q: Did you hear about the fight at the leper hockey game?
    A: The ref's had to stop the game because of a face-off in the corner.
    ..../\„,„/\
    ...( =';'= )
    .../*♥♥*\
    .(.|.|..|.|.)

  6. #6
    Not clubbys hoe dehawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    coonsville , Now selling property RRE
    Posts
    2,127
    Thanked
    3
    Lol what did the leper say to the hooker?



    Keep the tip
    You have just read my signature. now piss off.

  7. #7
    Spoofee.com! Spoofee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    48,946
    Thanked
    1,625
    Why did the chicken cross the road

    Answer Link
    Thank you for using Spoofee.com

  8. #8
    L5 Interested Member Rudy22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    123
    Thanked
    0
    Anus Laptops

    also, these arent jokes, but they're quotes from one of my favorite comedians who recently passed away... :(

    "I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of **** you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away..."

    "I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary."

    "I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside."

    -- Mitch Hedberg
    Last edited by Rudy22; 05-05-2005 at 07:31 PM.

  9. #9
    L11 Spoofee Addict penpen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    7,030
    Thanked
    97
    http://www.jokes.com/results/detail....8&sql=1&cat=35

    Intelligent Quotes

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

    "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

    "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

    " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

    "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    “If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush

  10. #10
    Super Moderatorette Cedar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    7,098
    Thanked
    62
    This one is long, however well worth reading.


    Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion
    for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always
    had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then
    one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that
    they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and
    gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on. "So she made
    the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work.
    Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him
    that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way,
    she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more
    than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured
    that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached
    home.
    So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
    consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she
    putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
    Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
    Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then
    blindfolded her and led her to a chair at the table. She seated herself and
    just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone
    rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
    He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had
    consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost
    unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the
    opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was
    not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
    skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air
    around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and
    ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears
    tuned to the conversation in the other room she went on like this
    for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end
    of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin
    placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to
    herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband
    returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she
    assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the
    blindfold, and she was surprised!!

    There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her
    a Happy Birthday"!!!

  11. #11
    L6 Experienced Member Apocalypse716's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    437
    Thanked
    0
    a couple of retarded jokes

    1. What starts with F and ends un uck? Firetruck of course

    2. What starts with P and ends in orn? Everyone's favorite, popcorn!

  12. #12
    Moderately Moderating Big Daddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    You tell me.
    Posts
    5,731
    Thanked
    56
    Not necessarily jokes, but some of them are amusing.

    Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm..........


    Can you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered
    assassinated instead of just murdered?

    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

    Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

    Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
    for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
    buried in for eternity?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
    good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
    like every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
    to look at things on the ground?

    How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
    naked anyway.

    If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

    Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
    these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
    crisp, which no decent human being woul d eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you
    to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are
    you going to be smiling?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
    him?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
    why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
    point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
    dogs!

    What do you call male ballerinas?

    Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

    If Wyle E. Coyo te had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't
    he just buy dinner?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
    what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
    it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
    you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
    window?

  13. #13
    happy to be back! clubchick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    STILL working on becoming Dr. Clubchick...
    Posts
    6,015
    Thanked
    0

    Cool this one's for the girls...

    This is my FAVORITE joke, although edited for sensitive eyes/ears...

    This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife,"Honey, I'll be right back ..."

    "Where are you going, coochie coo ...?" asked the wife.

    "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

    The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?"

    Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

    The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie ... but the bar ... you know ... the frozen glass ..."

    He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"

    She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

    The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

    "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"

    She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc ...

    "But, sweet honey ... at the bar ... you know ... the swearing, the dirty words and all that ..."

    "You want swearing, cutie pie? ... HERE, DRINK YOUR F** BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F** MUG AND EAT YOUR F** SNACKS! CUZ YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A**HOLE?!?!"
    LOL LOL LOL

    got it from http://huumor.com/joke_2591 (must give credit where credit is due)

  14. #14
    Moderately Moderating Big Daddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    You tell me.
    Posts
    5,731
    Thanked
    56
    :D Thanks, Tusky.... I mean clubchick! ;)

  15. #15
    Moderately Moderating Big Daddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    You tell me.
    Posts
    5,731
    Thanked
    56

    Talking

    I hope the pictures don't offend anyone, but I received this in an e-mail a while ago and thought (and still think) it was quite amusing (and fairly accurate).

    Why women have 2 hands and why men have 2 hands:




Page 1 of 117 1231151101 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Do Not Post In This Thread
    By servantofone in forum Off Topic Discussion & General Questions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-11-2011, 05:50 PM
  2. I know we have a Joke Thread, but....... Bar/Pub Joke
    By Big Daddy in forum Off Topic Discussion & General Questions
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 12-06-2005, 06:23 PM
  3. The official post a picture of yourself thread
    By Big Daddy in forum Off Topic Discussion & General Questions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 11-18-2005, 07:07 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
RSS Feed Facebook Twitter
Spoofee-Footer
Submit Deals
Have a good deal or coupon? Want to share with our members? Please post it on our forums

If it's a hot deal, we will post it on the front page with your name on it!
Follow Us
New Deals
Hot Deals Only (4.5+ stars)
New Coupons
Facebook Fanpage