I'm writing a song (tell me your opinion)

Big Daddy

Big Daddy

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Just imagine a cheesy Casio playing in the background.

Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me salivate... Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...

:rolleyes: :clown:
 
Sry about this Big Daddy but i hate it I am sry
 
ode to Dehawk.:unlove: :wilted_ro
 
spoofee12 said:
Sry about this Big Daddy but i hate it I am sry
Click to expand...

Hate is a very strong word don't you think? ;)
 
This song sounds very familiar. Is your wifes name LaFonda? ;)
 
Hmmmm, BD.......How do I put this......:o




















Oh, I Know...............:confused:














IT STINKS!:eek:
Sorry, BD, but you DID want opinions....
Dont kill me, ok???:eek:
 
Take this part out and put something else in then I would sound ok:Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me salivate... Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever
 
Everyone's a critc. :( :( :(

BTW, does this format make the song better for anyone?

Why do you love me?
Why do you need me?
Always and forever

We met in a chat room
Where love can fully bloom
Sure the World Wide Web is great
But you, you make me salivate

Yes I love technology
But not as much as you, you see
But I still love technology
Always and forever

Our love is like a flock of doves
Flying up to heaven above
Always and forever
Always and forever

Yes, your love is truly great
Always and forever

Why do you need me?
Why do you love me?
 
Makes more sense that way. Not all of us are good at reading music and stuff. Gawd!!
 
I don't understand. How is this a song? Is this not a poem? For me, a song requires melody and such. As a poem it's nice and if you gave it to your wife I'm sure you would receive a nice reward. Poems work almost as good as fancy dinners and flowers and cost a lot less.
 
I drew a picture too, but it took me like three hours to finish the shading on the upper lip. :rolleyes:
 
the word salivate, although it rhymes in your song, just seem too earthy and primordial, its almost like putting in the word horny.

using WWW and technology seems so technical, and out of place, especially when the song has soft words like dove, love, forever, and heaven. it might get a blush from your wife if your are alone, but in front of a crowd, it would get laughs and claps. i guess, it depends what you are trying to evoke.
 
eabu said:
the word salivate, although it rhymes in your song, just seem too earthy and primordial, its almost like putting in the word horny.

using WWW and technology seems so technical, and out of place, especially when the song has soft words like dove, love, forever, and heaven. it might get a blush from your wife if your are alone, but in front of a crowd, it would get laughs and claps. i guess, it depends what you are trying to evoke.
Click to expand...

Very insightful. :hmm: I kind of imagine I'm weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.
 
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