Marriage Advice

servantofone

servantofone

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What kind of marriage advice do you all have? Serious or not, doesn't matter... I have a friend who is getting married soon. I am happily married going on 6 years, but it's always nice to read what others think too.

The first thought that comes to my mind:
Don't sweat the small stuff. Too many couples spend time arguing over a tube of toothpaste. What's the point? In the end, you just make yourself miserable sitting around and picking :argh: on your spouse all day. Learn to let things go!
 
Respect.......and it's a team effort....a partnership. It needs to be a co-head of household....not a chain of command.

And....there will come a point where you will need to agree to disagree....no one ever always agrees 100%, 100% of the time. You will have differences of opinions and compromising by both parties will need to be done. Respect.
 
Give each other valuable "alone" time...whether time for each other to enjoy hobbies, company of friends (not as a couple), whatever. Too many couples think that once they get married, they must do everything together, or not at all. Everyone needs an outlet (especially once/if kids come into the picture).

With that being said...I think it's great if couples try new things together...hiking, dancing, whatever. Something that they can bond over and have couple time/quality time.

Sleep on it. I don't know if I agree with the "don't go to bed mad" theory. I think this brings on quick apologies that may not be that sincere...or make-up you know what :yikes: that's not really sincere (go ahead boys with the comments)

Definitely to be honest with your feelings...and don't sugarcoat or agree just to keep the peace. Too many times I see my husband just nodding his head to plans or throwing out the "whatever you want" phrase...and it ticks me off. I'd rather opinions be voiced!

Turn off the t.v. and keep communication open.
 
sun22beam said:
Sleep on it. I don't know if I agree with the "don't go to bed mad" theory. I think this brings on quick apologies that may not be that sincere...or make-up you know what :yikes: that's not really sincere (go ahead boys with the comments)
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I agree with you. I think the idea originally stemmed from the Bible in Ephesians 4:26 which says, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry[...]" People interpret that to say, "Don't go to bed angry." That isn't what it said though. The Jewish day actually began at sunset. So essentially, the idea here is that anger should be dealt with and forgiveness found quickly. Often, late night is the worst time to resolve an argument. On many occasions, a good night's sleep is just what I needed in order to think freshly and find agreement. The passage should be taken, in my opinion, as a warning that one should not live in anger. One should not leave disagreements without a conclusion. It doesn't have to be before bed, but it should be dealt with. Getting some sleep, forgiving, and moving on is just fine too.
 
precocious said:
Respect.......and it's a team effort....a partnership. It needs to be a co-head of household....not a chain of command.

And....there will come a point where you will need to agree to disagree....no one ever always agrees 100%, 100% of the time. You will have differences of opinions and compromising by both parties will need to be done. Respect.
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I agree 100%!
 
Ok, i've been married for 32 yrs.... "screams out loud" Everything he does is just down right stupid!! But he THINKS he is ALWAYS right!! Like for instance,,, I bought him a bug zapper last year,, yes I said a bug zapper!! Thats what he wanted!! It lasted for 1 year.. Or so I thought.. In the end that thing was glowing bright RED!! Now even I know they should be glowing purple.... But NOOOOO!! Hubby says its working just fine!! Its making that zapping noise so it must still be working!! Its making that zapping noise because its burning its self out!! So I go out and buy a new bulb for his birthday.. Now is glowing a nice purple color and zapping bugs you can really see!! But does hubby think this is working right?? NOPE!! He makes me dig out the old bulb out of the trash because he said there was nothing wrong with the old bulb!! I'm like what are you thinking?? But in the end I just shut my mouth, and let the bug zapper kill those bugs!! And in my little mind I know I'm RIGHT!! HEHEHEHEHEH Zap on bug zapper!! zap on!!
 
We are going on 23 years in Sept. Which is amazing since all my family said it wouldn't last a year. All I can say is not to worry about the arguments, there will be arguing, there always is. Sometimes you have to lose the argument to win.
Also don't listen to everything your family tells you, sometimes momma don't know best. Mine has been divorced twice and hates my husband, always has.
 
morriefisher said:
A wedding is a lot of stress, consider elopement.
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That is also stressful after the wedding. So many members of the family then think they were 'cheated' out of being invited to your wedding and the bride (most of the time) feels 'cheated' about her wedding day.

Guys don't get that. From the time a baby girl is born, a wedding dress is held in front of them like the crowning of the princess. To not have one's 'dream wedding' can cause resentment. *There are exceptions of course, but I think the majority feels this.*
 
precocious said:
That is also stressful after the wedding. So many members of the family then think they were 'cheated' out of being invited to your wedding and the bride (most of the time) feels 'cheated' about her wedding day.
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Ah, but you can elope & then have another wedding for the family. It's not like anyone would ask if you're already married.
 
Well, I think the co-head of household thing is great unless your husband still thinks he's 15....then, it has to be chain of command with you in charge. All depends on how mature the husband is I guess. Another important thing, is don't take any crap. Don't even let the man think he can control you or it will spiral out of control. Be your own person with your own friends and own interests and also share activities and friends with your spouse, but don't lose your identity.
 
morriefisher said:
Ah, but you can elope & then have another wedding for the family. It's not like anyone would ask if you're already married.
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That would be deceptive....:noidea:

Why would I (or anyone) want to "lie" to their friends or family members? :noidea:
 
precocious said:
That would be deceptive....:noidea:

Why would I (or anyone) want to "lie" to their friends or family members? :noidea:
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I agree. Seems like it would be more stressful than just having the wedding up front.
 
We've been married almost 14 years. We had our rough spots but he's finally learning that I'm right, I know best and his job is to say "yes dear, whatever you say dear". I'm not saying women don't want a man to stand up to them occasionally. I like when he stands up to me.. then I can shoot him down and remind him how much happier he is when I'm happy.
 
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